Bus Stop.
DISCLAIMER: This is purely fictitious. Comment you like it or hate it but please, for the love of fucking god, don’t ask me any questions or explanations or clarifications, I simply hate it! This is pure, baseless imagination and it has nothing to do with my real life.
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It was a random day in a random city. It was one of those days when you don’t feel right, one of those days when you really find it hard to recall a reason to get out of the bed, one of those days when nothing seems to be worthy enough, when winters seems too cold and sun too bright, when eyes feels lazy but you can’t get sleep, when your throat hurts but you want to smoke one more. It was one of those frustrating, hopeless and depressing days.
I was sitting in a bar; a guy came and sat right beside me. He was tall, lean, a little older than me and his body language clearly suggested that he was not having the best day of his life either, of course you don’t expect anything less for people sitting in a bar having vodka at 2.30 in the afternoon. We sat there and none of us was really interested in making new friends, we never spoke a word.
Around 4 when I was almost settled for the evening I left the bar for the bus stop. I was sitting there and thinking what kind of a pathetic looser am I? I was watching people’s faces some smiling some not, some tensed some not, some bored some not, some confused some not and then I thought what was I? Where was I? Who was I? Is someone even noticing me is I even visible? Well don’t think this is too much, people do think crap when they are drunk, and so do I.
The guy from the bar came and sat on the same bench.
This time he said “hey”,
I replied with “Hmm… Hi, done?”
“I guess so and I hope so! You are a regular day time customer?”
“No, just a crappy, useless, boring and depressing day dragged me here.”
And then I asked him something which may be I shouldn’t have, “Are you?” He smiled and said, “Yep, and guess what for the same reason all my days are like that.”
I said, “Nah dude! Don’t worry; everything turns out fine or at least manageable just hang on.”
Then there was silence, both of us were staring at the road, I guess either we missed our buses or the time was passing really slowly. After the long eternal pause he said, “Did you ever thought of killing yourself?”
I smiled and said, “Yeah, a few times, but then I figure a way out before the hangover gets off.”
“No, I mean when you are in your senses.”
“I don’t remember of any, nothing went that wrong and I think nothing can.” He continued, “I mean you planned it all, how when, bought things you need to do it and then you came out of your house for the last time to see the sunset for the last time, you did that?”
I would have been scared if I was not that drunk but I was so with no exclamation I said, “No man! never did that. Have you?”
He laughed and said “never before today.”
“So you are telling me that you are going to go home and kill yourself”
“Well, that’s the plan.”
Again a long pause, silence it was almost dark by then. I broke it this time, “So why are you telling me this? And what the fuck am I supposed to say?”
He said, “I am telling you this because you are sitting here with me at this very important evening of my little left life and you are supposed to say nothing, that what I expect.”
“Hmm… fair enough. So, why, THE reason?”
“Nothing in particular, you can say for the same reason that you are here (bar), for the same reason I don’t want to be here (world) anymore.”
“I am here mainly because I had nothing better to do, I was bored, may be a little depressed.”
“Hmm… same here.”
“But mine is just one day, I won’t be the same tomorrow, I will feel better.” He smiled and said, “Then may be I am not that hopeful about tomorrow.”
Though I had no intentions to do so but unknowingly I was trying to stop him. I said, “Why not? You can try I guess.”
“Nah! I have no good reason to try”
“What about your family and friends? You just want to chicken out?”
“Yep! I am being selfish and coward at the same time for one last time”
By now I really hated him for many reasons but the most because he just seemed to be the exaggerated version of my self. I was thinking this poor son-of-a-bitch really deserves what he wants i.e. to die.
Then we didn’t talk anything else, after a few minutes he left without saying anything. I don’t know what he did that night and for some reason I never tried to find out. When he left I was still bored and not feeling like going home but somehow I was not depressed. Funny how a man who is about to kill himself in a few hours can give hope. Yes, strange things happen when you are drunk.
